i never thought it is possible to grab any soft toys from the pickup machine in archades, till little daydream carebear on the right was grabbed on a first time try for only $1.10! yippy! now my harmony carebear has company :) *smilez* though i am not someone who likes to play archade, it sure brightened up my day!
i have been officially out of my long engagement, at least till june. when i knew about it, i did not know whether to be relieved or upset. initially, i doubted myself and thought that i was pulled out a month earlier than planned possibly because i was not performing well. then, i was demoralized quite badly especially since the last few weeks on the job wasn't the best weeks. i made a couple of mistakes and remembered being scolded at 2am in the morning. the feeling really sucks, though it wasn't entirely my fault, i still felt incompetent despite reassurances from certain seniors. on a consolation note to myself, at least the team is pulling others out as well and my senior reassured me, i wasn't pulled out as a result of the mistakes i made.

nonetheless, at least i was given the opportunity to learn ba. still a long way go to learn about audit. despite the days i have worked past midnight or walked till the morning, surprisingly i am still alright. thankfully for the G2s around who are really always around to rant to each other.

i think one of my main takeaway from jan till now is to always always bear in mind CEAVO, even for cross-ref of financial statements. at least, i am still positive about the job and do not really drag myself to work in the morning though there are days i am really exhausted. but so far the weekends are well rested and i am ready for the week, enough to last for a while. for me, food and sleep are my energy power bars!

on a side note, while i was on my new engagement at changi, my senior signed for the standard chartered supersaver and tata! we get the gifts below. it was a huge takeaway, especially for someone who just sat there. my senior signed up because she was attracted by the piggy bank. the sales personnel offered to give her another 2 soft toys. After going back to the client's office, we realized the toys were a bit torn and went to exchange. who knows, the sales personnel offered to give another set of soft toys for me! wahaha, so i have a pair of ice age characters too!

On a side note, i like the photo below! cheeky naughty grin. this was taken during our museum free admission to egypt exhibit and the super long queue!

on impulse, i decided to watch carebears movie. from the simple show, there was this simple song that inspired me on days that i am moody.

I Know your thinking that nobody Cares

You've got some feelings you don't want to share
But If your troubles stay all stuck inside
They are going to grow till they are too big to hide

I know you are trying to steer so clear of friends
You've had a few that have left you in the end
I gotta tell you it ain't always so

Somebody loves you who Anita gonna go
So follow me and let me take you there
If you think nobody cares
Nobody cares
Nobody cares like a bear
You'll need a friend to get a big job done
I guess sometimes two heads are better than one
You'll need friend to let your feelings free
Sure could use someone to talk to me
So make a friend and let me take you there

When you think nobody cares
Nobody cares
Nobody cares like a bear
So don't go sticking by your own sweet self
You gotta take a chance on someone else
That's what its all about being friends
And take a chance on loving again

there are times of childishness in the midst of being 22 but these childhood dreams of clinging on to hopes should never die. When i was young, i never think much about carebears but now i realize the meaning behind each carebear but always know there are people around you who cares.

Goodbye cow year!
I hope this brings the end to the unhappiness of the year especially towards the end. *smilez* despite all, i still want the memories and happiness of the year to be imprinted. let go of the lessons and unhappiness learnt :) :)
Hello tiger year! *smilez* let this be a start to a good year!

it was amazing how a pot of hisbicous turned my day around in smiles. amazing. yeah i love flowers but i do not believe in getting roses on vday cos it is just not worth it. how about hisbicious flowers. they are colouful, beautiful and really captivating. i love them.

this week.

i came home today, disheartened and demoralized almost everyday. but after chatting everything out, i am feeling slightly better and finally looking forward to 4 days of cny.

what is left in my mind is to clear up the following during the next four days:
(1) the purpose of audit, because my purpose has been shaken since the events through the week.
(2) the purpose of my career. i need to seriously sit down and think this time.
(3) enjoy myself

"no one is the leave unless cue is given by the manager" - this was how i live my week.

work and weekends.

for the last 2 weeks, audit was good. auditing hotel is fun with a huge spread of hotel food for lunch which includes ice-cream, fruits and salads daily. the feeling was good knowing that we are working tgt as a team and any questions i have, i can ask anyone there. i felt teamwork for the first time since work started. having an australian boss makes the entire experience even better and more relaxed. i would even describe the 2 weeks as probably my best 2 weeks since work started beside training.

from tmr, i am back to my long engagement for another 3 months. long, it is really long with so many red tapes that my 2-weeks june leave has not yet received a go-ahead reply though i applied long ago. it is seriously frustrating when the manager is taking so long to approve and i really need sth to look forward to in this engagement. i am not caring so much, if any good travelling deals come up in june, i'll probably just go ahead and book the tickets. afterall, i have tried to book since a long time ago. my seniors could all tell how happy i was to be out of that engagement for 2 weeks. i realized why i didn't like that long engagement. there was no teamwork, with each working independently on issues that we don't understand what the rest are doing. the team is so big that we can't help each other and the engagement lasts so long that we are almost independently in-charge of the assignment thrown to us or how the big picture adds up.

so naturally these last 2 weekends were my best weekends too :) :) no stress of work, no bother about the outstanding issues. bank audit seriously make me want to call quits at times, but working on this hotel engagement rejuvanates me so much i think i can last for some time. let's hope this re-energized me will last for another 3 months before i change job again. *smilez* counting down till then.

the many weekends that passed, this is the first time i sit down to think about how each weekend has passed. weekends are precious moments and yet i realized i have not been maximizing them. for each weekend, i have been so exhausted that i spent lots of time catching up on my sleep and just relaxing my mind totally by watching shows online. it is so unlike myself to sleep till 10am but i am seriously too tired to wake up any earlier. or rather, i am always so happy that the weekends have arrived that i tend to stay up late into the nights on fri and sat. *smilez* but today, i realized how excited i am for april to come and my sch fees would be settled by then. yippy :) settling my sch fees would really put peace to my mind. money doesn't drive or excite me, but i don't want them to be part of my troubles.

tomorrow is going to be a great day :)

Goodbye 2009, Hello 2010

Goodbye 2009.

I looked at my 2009 new year resolution with a smile on my face. I managed to achieve everything except 1 which is exercising weekly. woah it is definately not easy to achieve that, though i do exercise once in a while.

As always, i like to reflect upon the year that passed before moving on to the next year. I would generally say that 2009 has been quite a good year. the last sem in sch was a year i fight to achieve my gpa goal while trying to enjoy as much out of sch life as possible. standing at this point in life, i felt like i have been in the working world for a long time and school was distant past, though it was only half a year ago that my school life officially ended. grad trip was nice with really great company and food. working in stand chart was an interesting yet tiring phase where there was tuition was on top of work in order to finance myself sufficiently for sch fees. finally it was full time work. frankly, all that seems fresh in my mind is work.

since work started, there are been a few times i sat down to think about my job. i know i am not exactly happy with where i am and what i do. in fact, i know there are a few times i wanted to call quits. i know exactly what i do not like about the job, ironically it isn't the long hours. much as work has only started for 3 months and being quite an inexperienced employee, there are certain aspects of the job that i really do not like. many of my seniors are non-locals and this made my bro question about singaporeans' ability to stand the long hours. personally i think it isn't that locals are not able to tolerate, but probably more of the priorities and whether we justify the hours has been reasonably reflected in our pay. after analysis of my displeasured areas, my final conclusion was still to stay where i am for the moment and learn, learn as much as i can first while exploring other options.

family, friends and bf has been quite well balanced though admittedly it may be slightly tilted towards family and bf. finally after 2 years, our family is back tgt again and i feel really happy staying where i am. i love my bros and my parents, chatting or listening to them every morning during breakfast are just simple perks in life that motivates me and keep me sane at work. looking forward to every dinner at home after work was also a luxury where i would come home for dinner even if it means a really late one at 9-10pm. home cooked food always taste of warmth and love of the chef.

relationship, after more than 2years, the honeymoon has long passed tgt with the early stage of wild chase. but thankfully what is in place is a stable and comfortable zone. definately since work started, moodiness and grumpiness existed occassionally but the weekly meetings perks me up no matter how tired i may be. there are moments of unhappiness but usually these would pass after speaking our minds openly. we adhere to the 'no secrets' rule strictly and respect each other personal space and social life as long as we are aware of the company. there are moments we ran out of ideas of what to do, but somehow he is always able to whip up sth that would brighten my day no matter how last min it is. moodiness had been cured a couple of times with visits to ice-cream palours and sugar donuts.

to sum it up, life in 2009 has been relatively smooth sailing. the moments in smiles still outbid the moments in tears and moodiness.

Hello 2010.

I welcomed 2010 with open arms, embrasing the new year ahead with new year resolutions and fireworks. fireworks are magical and beautiful which gives me a sense of hope and a new start. i teared when i watched the mini fireworks goes up right in front of me at labrador park. it was unexpected since the company wasn't too right the moment we stepped in. we were surrounded by chinese nationals, aunties and uncles. indeed what can we expect from an RC countdown. haah. nonetheless at least it was a cosy fireworks that was sufficient.

i have no idea how 2010 would turn out to be. i may be quite a challenging year with the peak to start things off. but i believe, no matter how hard it may be, i will strive to maintain a good balance. yes i am a strong advocator or social life. since 1st Jan 2009, i began to believe in writing new year resolutions because it really makes me works towards them.

*smilez* lastly, wishing all a happy 2010 ahead! :)

i finally tried my hands upon the using those online collages, so much easier! no need to piece them up tgt myself.

by the beach with my new year resolution. left on the sand, to be washed away into the sea :) i love ecp in particular, i love it lots.

i still have the thrill of driving on the roads, probably cos i only get to try once every few months. first time went up an expressway. ooh i wasn't as scared as i was previously but i sure wasted quite a lot of oil when i stepped hard on the accelarator and i can feel the heartache of the owner. i realize how hard it is to try to observe the directional road signs while trying to prevent myself from being a road hazard. eh i could only think of going straight, straight and straight.

christmas is a beautiful season of joy. i love the lights up and the festive mood. merry christmas! :)

the weekends are...

so precious that i don't know how to allocate my time btw family, friends and myself.
so short that it's just not enough time.

these few weekends, i have mostly spend my time with my family. after 22years, i finally brought mummy shopping at orchard and bugis for 2sundays consecutively. after 22 years, i finally brought my cousins out for a movie, just like how my aunts used to bring us out. (have to thank dar who initiated it) after 22 years, i have finally tasted my grandma's signature dish for the first time that is not sold in singapore. family, whom i tend to neglect. family, whom i didn't spend more time with. family, the warmth is always there no matter how long i didn't see them. family, my one and only but best asset i have.

frankly i miss my friends, especially old friends whom i used to chat lots and laugh around with. since work started, the number of times i turned up for gatherings can probably be easily counted in 2 hands. yet since work started, i really want to go home for dinner or meet dar if i get to knock off early which occurs really rarely. hence, i am totally looking forward to the christmas seasons! *smilez* it's afterall a season to bring smiles back onto the jaded work face and embrace the festive season in the company of friends.

working life is so different that i really appreciate the freedom of school. nonetheless, at least i am starting to settle in a bit, and learning to smile more in the process rather than being hidden below a pile of work. complains are inevitable but i am nonetheless contented.

on a final note, i realized love might dull over time of courtship, but what keeps it going is the warmth and companion, each willing to share little meanings in everyday life that keeps it going. just like, we might neglect our families, but they will never forsake us. love must reach that level of comfort and support before it becomes truly love. learning.