An opportunity finally came, but I let it slip through my hands. In my schooling days, I had always look forward without turning my head back, but somehow as I grew older, many decisions have been crowded with other considerations.

At this point in time, nothing else matters. Plans have fallen through time and time again, for something that I am yearning for. Perhaps it may seem silly to give up so many opportunities for it, but sometimes, it is all that matter to me. I finally realize that there are some things that I can't control in life. At the end of the journey, it is what matters to you most.

Holding on to faith and love.

A weekend without hubby

Our first weekend without each other since married life a year ago. Before we got married, we can't wait to see each other every moment. After getting married, we got used to seeing each other every day and settle down into a comfortable routine. Life may not be as exciting, lined up with paktok-ing activities, but it allows us to focus on achieving our lifetime goals while juggling family time. Each week is a hectic rush.

When Mr. Ong mentioned that his friends are going Bangkok, i know how much he wants to go. Making a suit was an official reason, but his underlying reason to spend a holiday trip with his friends couldn't be contained. The urge for me to go overseas has dwindled, hence, it was decided that Mr. Ong was to proceed without me.

Definitely I was trying to suppress the desire to keep him by my side. By eventually, the weekend turned out as an extremely well spent weekend with my family. Since married, I could only be home for a few hours each week, just home for dinner. Though I had opportunity to talk to my family, it was just too short and the feeling was different. Over the weekend, I spent so much time with my family, and see their happy faces welcoming me home, I knew it was a great decision I made. My mum and dad welcomed me home with open hands, ensuring that my stay was extremely comfortable, from preparing my fav dishes to my fav bolster :) it was such a homecoming experience.

In addition, it was a fruitful weekend - yoga, dinner with friends, website review, household chores, dinner with family.

If I were to choose again, I would still let my hubby go on holiday with his friends, without me tagging alone. After marriage, spending time with parents and siblings is a luxury indeed.

23 Jun 2014 - reality check

Back from New Zealand, the best ever trip. I enjoyed it thoroughly and every minute. It is such a peaceful land that I felt at peace everywhere. No wonder so many people loves it there, going there for farming and retirement.

The trip made me forget about work totally, just there to unwind with nice scenery and weather. It was an awesome rejunvating trip indeed, a right dose at a right time. Though recently, flying has not been comfortable, I am so glad everything went amoothly. With a clear head, it is time to focus on other things on hand now.

1. Health. Time to give my nose block a proper cure now. The bockage has created a lot of discomfort indeed.
2. Work. Time to motivate and energize myself with a strong drive and focus. Rotation to treasury in a month's time. I wonder how it will be, but I need the change in environment now indeed. Let's see how it goes there and adapt accordingly. Let's give myself and the new environment a chance again. For once, I know master is not what I need now. My top most focus is communication skills.

I am ready to battle ahead again.

Thank you, New Zealand for leaving me with the most beautiful memories and clearing my head.

Year end

In the midst of probably the worse year end since my career with SIA began. A new CFO, an almost totally new team with limited knowledge of the company, a steep learning curve with everyone including myself totally unfamiliar with our job scopes, too many reporting changes and super tight deadlines.

This year end probably threw everyone off the line, each struggling to keep up. Submitted 3 papers in a quarter and contributed to the financial statement. 2 papers came back with super a lot of changes from prior year. To top it up, FRS changes and the early adoption of standards brought a lot headache to the preparation of financial reporting process. Honestly, many times, I wanted to throw the towel and just call quits. Sleeping for 4-5hrs a day was a norm and staying so far away doesn't help. I had OT for a month continuously including weekends and public holidays, yet in store every day at work are surprises, from different bosses. For the first time, I can't drag myself out of bed on certain days and had to report late for work.

During working hours, I spent the time coordinating with auditors, subsidiaries, teaching the 2 new team members, struggling to find my own schedules and answering bosses queries. I am just at the brink of typing the letter, but each time, thinking of the commitments ahead, I can't bring myself to. Work is just work eventually.

But I have to admit, at the same time, I am thankful for this year end. I have learnt a lot on both the financial and management reporting processes. From the management reporting perspective, it is not mundane reporting of papers, rather they are flexible arrears and only the skies is the limit. The queries raised by the bosses are valid points and indeed an oversight in prior years. Definitely it created a lot more work within the short turn around time, and there are no one stop solutions, but these are right methodologies to train management accountants to think about.

From the financial reporting perceptive, I have gained a much deeper understanding of the overall nature of the business. Not just that, I have learnt to handle new FRS requirements and coordinate a new team.

In this 1 year, I have learnt so much. It had been very tiring, but at the same time, very rewarding at work. I do not regret the year that past, but it may indeed be time to move on, giving higher priorities to other aspect of my life.

Just one more week to go to the official end to our financial year end.

Less than 6 months after our wedding, I had quite a bit of experiences and probably grown more matured too.

Marriage Life
It is beautiful, being able to be with the person that you want to grow old with. He becomes the center of all my decisions and experiences. We do almost everything together, from day to day getting to work, knocking off and sleeping time. Gradually, this settles to become a routine, yet, it is comforting to have someone beside you always.

Definitely not everything had been a bed of roses. We had our tough times, coping with the changes around us. In the midst, we quarreled and temper flew, yet it was his patience and tolerance that we have come to reach decisions comfortable for both of us. At the start, it was tough settling down with in-laws, with differing views and upbringing, yet, I can't be more grateful than having such understanding and caring in-laws that made things much easier. Much as I miss the comfort of home and reliance on my parents, I was forced to grow up and develop the role as a wife, not just caring for my husband, but also being willing to do the household chores without complaints. During these 5 months plus, I probably did more household chores than I did in 25 years.

During these few months, I learned to prioritize, juggling time and money between gh, his family, my family, our friends, household chores and studying. It had been a meaningful experience so far, with more challenges ahead.

Departure of my grandma
The demise of my grandma sparked the blogging of this post. It brought back a lot of memories and thoughts that I wanted to note down.

My grandma may not have been the best grandma, with many distant memories of her being a strict grandma and a fiery temper. With many years of gap in between arising from a complicated family history, we were reunited only in recent years. When we eventually reunited, her fiery temper has toned down a lot and many history events went down the memory lane. Eventually, blood runs thicker than water, and no matter how many unhappy events there were, it no longer matters. With my dad persistent encouragement, we bridged the barrier and communicated more with each other.

During the 5 days sending her off, many thoughts came to mind. The loss of a family member, the memories we created during our conversations and while I was a kid, how tough a life she had, how strong she had been, how she showed her love for us in a way different from other grandmas and how she suffered in her last few months. Family has always been my weakest spot. I cried because I can't hold back my tears thinking of the many many things that happened in 25 years.

During the wake, I met relatives that I have never seen in 25 years and I doubt we will meet in the future except for such scenarios. Nothing can be more awkward, yet, throughout the entire 5 days, I witnessed how my dad put on a strong front. Being the only child and his mum had been his support, he did not drop a single tear in front of us, he could still smile. At the few occasions that I saw him red-eyed and teary, I felt an immense and indescribable sadness.

Eventually, on the last day, I broke down totally. My grandma had waited for our wedding, suffering in pain. After our wedding, her health deteriorated rapidly. At the point, I realized how happy she had been, receiving tea from our hands, and gaining a new grandson-in-law. During the 5 days, I appreciated chinese customs and reinforced the importance of family in my heart.

Another chapter had come to an end. I have grown up.