5 days to clear my mind, totally away from work.

yet to reach my destination but the journey has been hard, so hard that i am thinking of giving up. i have been pushed so close to the point of breaking down that i snap. usually calm and composed, usually able to keep my cool but somehow last week, i was so exhausted. continously late nights alone past midnight was demoralizing, continously calls from my seniors to do random chores broke a routine of work. perhaps what made it worse was i do not see an end to this journey. this is just the start of interims, just the start of quarter 3 and just the start of the audit of subsidaries. yet all i see are just bits and pieces of work. none of the work see a proper closure, all seem to be dangling some where, exactly what i dislike most.

i love seeing a conclusion to the work, yet formalities and restrictions seem to forbide the proper closure. seeing the product lacking in quality disheartens me further as i have always been a believer of producing good quality work but tight deadlines are further restrictions. sometimes i wonder is it because of me? but i choose to believe i have done my best. if my best isn't reaching expectations, there is really nothing much more i can do. my last standing friend of my level on this engagement has also handed in the resignation. looking at this big engagement team from last year, all i see are 3 seniors (with 2 going concern), 1 AM and 1 manager remaining. the rest have left one after another and the remaining team are new. a repeat of history seeing itself where every night i only see our engagement left besides this other bank.

goals have always been part of my journey in life, setting the path exactly how i want to walk. i know right from the start since i started working what i am chasing for in life but somehow the journey seem too hard for me.

2 more days left to clear my mind and to decide my journey on. to chase after my dreams or to alter my goals? it may be a tough decision to make. but i never turn back on each decision i made. just like i enjoyed audit and never look back upon the 375 days ago since i joined.

Oh my gosh, this is a paradise place - Mantanani Island in Sabah.
waters are so clear around the island.

Paradise No 2: Sipadan Islandthere are so many places i want to travel to. sabah next year in 2011? europe in 2012? saving saving up money please...

argh how abut mongolia, china, korea, south africa, US, india, philipines, vietnam, cambodia, laos etc?