5 days to clear my mind, totally away from work.

yet to reach my destination but the journey has been hard, so hard that i am thinking of giving up. i have been pushed so close to the point of breaking down that i snap. usually calm and composed, usually able to keep my cool but somehow last week, i was so exhausted. continously late nights alone past midnight was demoralizing, continously calls from my seniors to do random chores broke a routine of work. perhaps what made it worse was i do not see an end to this journey. this is just the start of interims, just the start of quarter 3 and just the start of the audit of subsidaries. yet all i see are just bits and pieces of work. none of the work see a proper closure, all seem to be dangling some where, exactly what i dislike most.

i love seeing a conclusion to the work, yet formalities and restrictions seem to forbide the proper closure. seeing the product lacking in quality disheartens me further as i have always been a believer of producing good quality work but tight deadlines are further restrictions. sometimes i wonder is it because of me? but i choose to believe i have done my best. if my best isn't reaching expectations, there is really nothing much more i can do. my last standing friend of my level on this engagement has also handed in the resignation. looking at this big engagement team from last year, all i see are 3 seniors (with 2 going concern), 1 AM and 1 manager remaining. the rest have left one after another and the remaining team are new. a repeat of history seeing itself where every night i only see our engagement left besides this other bank.

goals have always been part of my journey in life, setting the path exactly how i want to walk. i know right from the start since i started working what i am chasing for in life but somehow the journey seem too hard for me.

2 more days left to clear my mind and to decide my journey on. to chase after my dreams or to alter my goals? it may be a tough decision to make. but i never turn back on each decision i made. just like i enjoyed audit and never look back upon the 375 days ago since i joined.