thoughts.

i am confused at times, asking myself how long i will stay. my dream life span here just seems to get shorter and shorter each time i ask myself. there are many contributing factors yet none is strong enough to make me leave at the moment. seeing many people throwing in letters doesn't help at all, esp when these are people i have worked late nights with. i came here wanting to leave 2 pointers as reminders to myself.

(1) do not let first impression or general sentiments form judgement of a person. understand the person more before setting a conclusion.
(2) the moment you leave is the moment you think you have learnt enough

these pointers struck me while i chitchat with my senior. i once feared working under her as she is known to be very detailed and work late nights, naturally general expectations are late nights for her juniors. yet on one occassion, she surprised me and opened up, chatting and sharing her experiences with me during work hours. this allow me to understand her better and improve the working relationship.

her experiences swayed me more towards staying where i am. i am aware of the future benefits of staying and gaining experience in the industry i am in. it opens up many doors and increase employability. more importantly which brings to the second pointer is, it teaches me so fast that i can't think of anywhere that teaches at this rate. many times, we have been thrown tasks which are totally new and forced to learn within a very short time to meet deadlines. i am pretty sure i have not wasted most days on the job. i am not complaining as this is within expectations when i signed the contract, in fact this is the reason why i signed.

of course, all these come with drawbacks. more frequent headaches have surfaced from a previously no headache records which is naturally a sign of worry and a sign of putting too much pressure on the thinking cap. this drawback alone is worrying. another factor to consider is how long can i motivate myself. there is a limit to our level of drive. being fresh grads, we tend to be fresh and work hard but will this level of motivation keep up in the journey of work. there will be a time when we are tired and less motivated and i wonder if this industry will tire us out faster.

on a side note, despite knowing my seniors will not read this post. thank you for guiding me so far and especially to my first engagement senior who gave me leeway to make mistakes and not penalizing me for it.